Seriously, what were they thinking? We all know what the Secret Service did in Columbia last week. The United States Secret Service advance team, that Service under the guidance of the Office of Homeland Security, that has been tasked with the protection and security of our President for over 100 years, were discovered to have been cavorting with prostitutes while on duty in a foreign country. They were caught quite literally with their collective pants down because our Secret Agent-men refused to pay the tab for their women of ill-repute. Fortunately, nothing happened, but the potential just boggles the mind.

Yeah, okay, "men will be men", but let's think about this for a minute. These are agents whose sole job it is to protect and defend the life and security of our President. These agents who have THE highest security clearance in the country (if not the world), pre-booked a team of playful prostitutes for which they could cavort while they executed the protection and security protocols in advance of our President's attendance at an important summit meeting with other foreign heads of state in a foreign country. Yes, that is "pre-booked" as in "made a reservation in advance" as part of their advance security team protocol.

This was not a GSA-type convention in Las Vegas where all of our Secret Service Agents were meeting to exchange security protocol ideas, swap funny Secret Service Agent stories with fellow agents, or give "The Best Secret Service Agent Of The Year" Award. These men, while executing their sworn duties, were knowingly cavorting with women who possibly had NO security clearance at all. And not only did these highest security level Secret Service Agents brag to these women about who they were and why they were visiting their country, but they compromised the security of our President by entertaining these women within range of information on the security protocols and travel plans that are top secret for a reason. I have read enough spy novels to know that woman, even an innocent-looking prostitute, can use her feminine wiles to obtain top secret information to perpetrate a grave harm.

Is it sinking in that this is not just a scandal about sex and prostitutes, but a grave breach of security that compromised the life of The President of the United States? Is it also sinking in that this was paid for by the US taxpayers?

Oh, I know, these things have been happening for years and these particular Agents just got caught. Well, I do not care who has done this in the past. This kind of behavior is unacceptable and should forthwith never happen again.

So, I propose a new rule to be inserted into the next edition of the Secret Service Agent Handbook. A rule that I think should have gone without saying, but here you are in bold type and ALL CAPS so that there is no misunderstanding:

NEW RULE NUMBER ONE
WHEN ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS TO SECURE THE SAFETY OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES FOR ANY REASON FOREIGN OR DOMESTIC, YOU WILL NOT HIRE, ENGAGE IN ADVANCE, OR BE IN THE COMPANY OF PROSTITUTES, WOMEN OF THE EVENING, OR ANY OTHER LIKE PERSONS EVEN IF THE LAWS AND/OR STATUTES OF THE HOST CITY, COUNTY, STATE, OR COUNTRY DEEM IT LEGAL. IT WILL BE CONSIDERED AN EMBARRASSMENT TO YOUR COUNTRY, A GRAVE DERELICTION OF DUTY AND BREACH OF SECURITY THAT WILL BE PUNISHABLE BY THE MANDATORY DISMEMBERMENT AND/OR SEPARATION OF THAT BODY PART OR PARTS FOR WHICH WERE DIRECTLY ENGAGED AT THE TIME OF SAID DERELICTION.


Maybe it's a little harsh, but it gets the point across.

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Seriously, what were they thinking? We all know what the Secret Service did in Columbia last week. The United States Secret Service advance team, that Service under the guidance of the Office of Homeland Security, that has been tasked with the protection and security of our President for over 100 years, were discovered to have been cavorting with prostitutes while on duty in a foreign country. They were caught quite literally with their collective pants down because our Secret Agent-men refused to pay the tab for their women of ill-repute. Fortunately, nothing happened, but the potential just boggles the mind.

Yeah, okay, "men will be men", but let's think about this for a minute. These are agents whose sole job it is to protect and defend the life and security of our President. These agents who have THE highest security clearance in the country (if not the world), pre-booked a team of playful prostitutes for which they could cavort while they executed the protection and security protocols in advance of our President's attendance at an important summit meeting with other foreign heads of state in a foreign country. Yes, that is "pre-booked" as in "made a reservation in advance" as part of their advance security team protocol.

This was not a GSA-type convention in Las Vegas where all of our Secret Service Agents were meeting to exchange security protocol ideas, swap funny Secret Service Agent stories with fellow agents, or give "The Best Secret Service Agent Of The Year" Award. These men, while executing their sworn duties, were knowingly cavorting with women who possibly had NO security clearance at all. And not only did these highest security level Secret Service Agents brag to these women about who they were and why they were visiting their country, but they compromised the security of our President by entertaining these women within range of information on the security protocols and travel plans that are top secret for a reason. I have read enough spy novels to know that woman, even an innocent-looking prostitute, can use her feminine wiles to obtain top secret information to perpetrate a grave harm.

Is it sinking in that this is not just a scandal about sex and prostitutes, but a grave breach of security that compromised the life of The President of the United States? Is it also sinking in that this was paid for by the US taxpayers?

Oh, I know, these things have been happening for years and these particular Agents just got caught. Well, I do not care who has done this in the past. This kind of behavior is unacceptable and should forthwith never happen again.

So, I propose a new rule to be inserted into the next edition of the Secret Service Agent Handbook. A rule that I think should have gone without saying, but here you are in bold type and ALL CAPS so that there is no misunderstanding:

NEW RULE NUMBER ONE
WHEN ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS TO SECURE THE SAFETY OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES FOR ANY REASON FOREIGN OR DOMESTIC, YOU WILL NOT HIRE, ENGAGE IN ADVANCE, OR BE IN THE COMPANY OF PROSTITUTES, WOMEN OF THE EVENING, OR ANY OTHER LIKE PERSONS EVEN IF THE LAWS AND/OR STATUTES OF THE HOST CITY, COUNTY, STATE, OR COUNTRY DEEM IT LEGAL. IT WILL BE CONSIDERED AN EMBARRASSMENT TO YOUR COUNTRY, A GRAVE DERELICTION OF DUTY AND BREACH OF SECURITY THAT WILL BE PUNISHABLE BY THE MANDATORY DISMEMBERMENT AND/OR SEPARATION OF THAT BODY PART OR PARTS FOR WHICH WERE DIRECTLY ENGAGED AT THE TIME OF SAID DERELICTION.


Maybe it's a little harsh, but it gets the point across.

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