Obama versus the Republican Debate

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Place: America’s Living Room

Time: September 7, 2011

Joe Sixpack: What am I gonna watch on the old television. How about some news?

Newsreader: ... said that giant lasers could be fired into the sky to cause it to rain Pandas.

Joe Sixpack: Oh, the debate! This might be good.

M. Bachmann: I intend to pass a constitutional amendment to force gay people to stop being gay.

R. Paul: That’s ridiculous! Gay people have solid gold cores because of their gayness, which is why the Fed wants us to ban gay people, because we can melt them down to create a solid backing for our currency.

R. Perry: Y’all are crazier than skunk crap on a Camaro! What our country really needs is bzzz we should do the bidding of Goldman Sachs. Goldman Sachs are proud Americans.bzzz What in tarnation was that?

Newsreader: ... and has dropped four atomic bombs on India in response

Commercial: Are you limp where it counts?

Joe Sixpack: Hey, the Obama speech. Huh, the whole House is empty except for Pelosi and Biden sitting up front.

Obama: I plan to uh, create uh, one billion jobs in the next five minutes. You will see, there’s nothing up my sleeve except uh, these uh, magic beads, given to me by my uncle in exchange for keeping him out of jail. . .

N. Gingrich: Look, I'm trying to explain. It’s a simple plan. We build a giant brain in the Nevada desert. We feed the knowledge of the world into that brain. Then we ask it to. . .

R. Paul: Where is there a giant brain in the Constitution?!

Geraldo: The search for Qaddafi continues tonight. My sources tell me he has locked himself inside a vault in Chicago and FOX has paid one million dollars for the combination.

Obama: Now you will need these special glasses to see the jobs I’m going to create. . .

M. Bloomberg: Apparently, sharks are planning to use flash mob techniques in the subways.

J. Huntsman: What’s wrong with higher taxes?

R. Perry: What’s wrong with higher taxes?! Are you @#$%ing loco?! I’ll tell you what’s wrong with higher taxes. . . right after I beat some sense into you, RINO boy!

Commercial: Do you feel like some product has hurt you? Call the help line now!

Geraldo: I’m seeing a note. . . it could be from Qaddafi himself. It says 'Geraldo is a douc. . .' uh. . . it’s written in some sort of code. I can’t make the rest out.

Obama: ... scheduled 15 more vacations at luxury resorts in this coming month, but they are all working vacations, so don’t listen to those who would oppose. . .

R. Perry: ... crack How do you like that RINO boy?! crack

J. Huntsman: Ahhh! Oh dear God! crack Owwww! Please stop!

R. Perry: crack Heyll no!

J. Huntsman: Can’t we all just get along?

R. Perry: crack You oughtn't a said that.

J. Huntsman: Somebody help me!

R. Paul: I believe in non-intervention.

Commercial: ... with side effects including unpleasant taste in clothes or friends, poor judgment in social interactions, diarrhea, death. . .

A. Cooper: The crowd here is getting ugly as they wait impatiently for Obama’s staff to swap out the non-functioning TOTUS for a new one. It’s too bad too, because Obama was really hitting his stride, the crowd was getting into the speech.

J. Carville: In fact they waz, they waz so inta it, they threwed some panties on the stage.

A. Cooper: Yes, that happened when Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden started the wave.

J. Carville: Thas right, and we uh ain’t shuwr whose they is. But thith, thith is cleauhly, the greatest uh, speeeech of uh, owl time.

J. Huntsman: //lies silently on stage

M. Romney: You might as well finish him off. . . put him out of his misery.

R. Perry: Don’t tell me what to do healthcare boy!

J. Huntsman: help... somebody call 911...

R. Perry: //draws gun

A. Cooper: They have just tear gassed the crowd. And by “crowd” I really mean Nancy Pelosi who started climbing up on the podium after she stripped off all of her clothes, apparently upset at the delay. . .

J. Carville: Ith like sumtin right outta tha ape moovae.

A. Cooper: The Secret Service now has her surrounded, but she has reached for a handful of feces. . . it appears to be Biden's feces.

S. Norville: That’s right Scooby Doo, let’s get outta here before those phantoms come back this way!

Joe Sixpack: Finally, something worth watching.

Obama versus the Republican Debate

Category : Republicans

Newsreader: ... said that giant lasers could be fired into the sky to cause it to rain Pandas.

Joe Sixpack: Oh, the debate! This might be good.

Newsreader: ... and has dropped four atomic bombs on India in response

Commercial: Are you limp where it counts?

Joe Sixpack: Hey, the Obama speech. Huh, the whole House is empty except for Pelosi and Biden sitting up front.

Geraldo: The search for Qaddafi continues tonight. My sources tell me he has locked himself inside a vault in Chicago and FOX has paid one million dollars for the combination.

Obama: Now you will need these special glasses to see the jobs I’m going to create. . .

M. Bloomberg: Apparently, sharks are planning to use flash mob techniques in the subways.

Commercial: Do you feel like some product has hurt you? Call the help line now!

Geraldo: I’m seeing a note. . . it could be from Qaddafi himself. It says 'Geraldo is a douc. . .' uh. . . it’s written in some sort of code. I can’t make the rest out.

Obama: ... scheduled 15 more vacations at luxury resorts in this coming month, but they are all working vacations, so don’t listen to those who would oppose. . .

Commercial: ... with side effects including unpleasant taste in clothes or friends, poor judgment in social interactions, diarrhea, death. . .

S. Norville: That’s right Scooby Doo, let’s get outta here before those phantoms come back this way!

Joe Sixpack: Finally, something worth watching.

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Newsreader: ... said that giant lasers could be fired into the sky to cause it to rain Pandas.

Joe Sixpack: Oh, the debate! This might be good.

Newsreader: ... and has dropped four atomic bombs on India in response

Commercial: Are you limp where it counts?

Joe Sixpack: Hey, the Obama speech. Huh, the whole House is empty except for Pelosi and Biden sitting up front.

Geraldo: The search for Qaddafi continues tonight. My sources tell me he has locked himself inside a vault in Chicago and FOX has paid one million dollars for the combination.

Obama: Now you will need these special glasses to see the jobs I’m going to create. . .

M. Bloomberg: Apparently, sharks are planning to use flash mob techniques in the subways.

Commercial: Do you feel like some product has hurt you? Call the help line now!

Geraldo: I’m seeing a note. . . it could be from Qaddafi himself. It says 'Geraldo is a douc. . .' uh. . . it’s written in some sort of code. I can’t make the rest out.

Obama: ... scheduled 15 more vacations at luxury resorts in this coming month, but they are all working vacations, so don’t listen to those who would oppose. . .

Commercial: ... with side effects including unpleasant taste in clothes or friends, poor judgment in social interactions, diarrhea, death. . .

S. Norville: That’s right Scooby Doo, let’s get outta here before those phantoms come back this way!

Joe Sixpack: Finally, something worth watching.

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